Tuesday, April 3, 2012

30 Day Honesty Blogging Dare - Catch-up (Day 3)

The 30 Days Honesty Blogging dare is hosted by Tom Baker. Pop on over and check out his blog, including a list of the other participants.

Day 3: Regardless of my current status, do I believe a person should save themself for marriage...

Yes, I do.

Sadly, I only got this right once: I married a virgin. Since then I have gotten divorced and this matter has been an issue in every relationship since. None of the very few and far between relationships since then have resulted in another wedding, but the ones where there were no sex beforehand were certainly the better ones - note I said better, not best, or I would have been married by now.

I will say this: every single time, in less than a month after giving in to the nag for sex, the relationship was over. Sex complicates things. It complicates it for men and women not viewing it in the same way, it complicates it for creating expectations that (more often than not) one party has no intention of meeting. It complicates things spiritually as you enter into a realm where the relationship is not supposed to go. I believe that sex was created for marriage - two people who have been willing to commit to 'till death do us part'. I believe that outside of that commitment, sex is not love - it is lust - the pleasure of self - and I think that both men and woman are guilty of this. It is not just men who use woman for sex. 

Selfish pleasure is not love (no matter how clued up your man is about bringing you around to satisfy his own desire). This is the 21st century, ladies - the clued up guys have done their homework and they know exactly how to fake caring and making it all about you..... so that they can get (or till they get) what they want. It is not about you, baby. If it was, he'd be proposing instead of calling your name in a single moment of ecstasy; he'd be slipping a ring on your finger, rather than a condom on his pee-pee.   

Don't buy the cow if you haven't sampled the milk?... Don't buy the car if you haven't test driven it?... I'm sorry, but I don't agree. Define "not sexually compatible". I think if you looked a bit closer you'll find that there's not a problem with the sex, but rather with the heart; someone who is more concerned with their own pleasure than loving and cherishing their partner - and probably in every area of the relationship, not just sex.

Good sex don't just happen - life is not Hollywood (which I think, by the way, creates many false expectations about sex and intimacy) - even sex constantly needs working on and getting to know what works for you as a couple - it is a lifelong journey of keeping it interesting and special - nurturing your union, rather than simply rushing after the next climax. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with an out-of-this-world high, but if that is all you're after - even at the cost of hurting your partner - then I am more convinced that it is lust - not love - and no, those two are not the same thing. Test drive? ... nothing but a convenient excuse to justify your own weakness for not having the discipline to say 'no' - this way you don't feel as guilty about ignoring that voice in your heart warning you that you're trespassing in territory where you don't belong. 

Then again, ladies, if it is your man wanting sex from you before commitment, why should he buy the cow if he can have the milk for free? And some woman wonder why no man seems to get as far as making an investment... in a ring, in a commitment, in you, because when the climax is over, then you're probably back to feeling used and nagging him about a ring, a wedding date, his not commitment to the relationship... And if he gets tired of it, he can always leave, because - let's face it - there are ample other willing cows out there.

Do not be fooled: sex is not love; sex is an extension of your love for each other. If you don't have love before sex, respecting your partner enough to treat them right up to the wedding, what makes you think that you'll suddenly have love - magically, automatically - after sex? And if you don't respect yourself enough to believe that you deserve to be treated right, what makes you think that another man or woman will?

Instead of trying to perfect the ultimate climax, we should be focusing on perfecting love. And when the sex is scarcer as you get older or life happens and the libido is not what it used to be, what will you be left with? Yes, sex is important, but it is still not everything. Save yourself for that one who loves you enough to marry you; to commit to caring for you and seeking your best interest like you're something special - a precious jewel, a queen, a princess - isn't that what all of us girls dream about - yearn for; a hero that will save the beauty?

Then why are we jumping out of the window and running after his horse? It won't take him long to outrun you, sweetie!

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