Thursday, April 12, 2012

30 Days Honesty Blogging Dare - Day 12

This 30 Days Honesty Blogging date is hosted by Tom Baker. Pop on over and check out his blog, including a list of the other participants in this fun - and sometimes challenging - dare.

Day 12: My favorite song to dance and sing to when no one is looking...

In all honesty I'd probably have to classify all songs under this category - when no one is looking. As much as I love to sing, I battle a bit with stage fright. It would seem that the moment I realize that anyone's attention is focused on me, my voice gets caught in my throat and my knees start shaking. I do think that I have a good voice, but my desire to meet the expectation for performance is so overwhelming, and I want to get it right so badly, that I actually - I suppose - mess it up for trying too hard.

At one time I took singing lessons because I wanted to grow my confidence for singing in front on an audience. I didn't feel like I was learning anything new about singing - she barely ever criticized anything I did - and if I did everything so perfect, then what was the point of singing lessons? We did, however, have an opportunity twice a year (every six months) to invite friends and family for a bit of a 'show-a-tell'. It involved them buying a ticket for the show, which also included a finger dinner. A very nice idea, really. Only problem was - for me anyway - that only one song in front of an audience, every six months did not help me with my confidence.

The first performance didn't go too bad. I only had one guest - my older sister. I could handle her, and I focused all of my attention on her for most of the song. I thought it went smashing. On the video clip you even hear her merrily singing along as she filmed it as a memento. The second performance, however, did not go too well. I had chosen a song by Celine Dion called The Color of My Love, and I had it down to the tee. This time there were eight guests (including my older sister), and this time the pressure of them having paid for the show and the demand for a good performance caused me to buckle - almost literally. My knees and hands were shaking so badly that my voice produced a vibrato that I didn't know I had. The audience didn't know this, but I knew full well that my voice was vibrating in perfect rhythm with my shaking knees, and no matter what I tried, I couldn't get it to stop. About halfway through the Celine master piece I burst out laughing - more out of embarrassment than anything else - but the audience did not understand what was going on. I tried my hardest to pick up the song again and carry on, but the more mistakes I heard, the more violently my knees shook, and the more violently my voice vibrated. I felt so humiliated!
But Mother Earth refused... Instead, she left me on that stage - large as life - red as a tomato - desperately wanting to flea the room.

Afterward, when more than half of the guests were gone and everyone else was cleaning up, I sat my (then) boyfriend down and showed him how it was actually supposed to sound. Those who were sweeping, washing, mopping, etc. stopped and came into the room when they heard it and couldn't believe that it was the same woman singing. I might not be able to forget my humiliation, but neither will I ever forget my small victory for getting it right, even if it was for just one person (in my mind, anyway).

It's been so long since I've sang in front of people, but I did give Karaoke a go on New Years and I liked it. Who cares what anyone else thought as I sang my little heart out. I kind of got the feeling that I've come a little way since that disastrous night.

About two years ago one of my FB friends dared me to record a song after I had posted a status update of how much fun I was having singing out loud in the office all by myself, so I decided to be game... :) (Thank you, ABBA, for the "backing vocals" ha-ha)

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